Insanity Rediscovered

Once again.

2011-06-13T21:06:00.002+05:30

I think I am going to try this again.
I want to.

Hippo

2010-05-02T07:35:00.004+05:30

I am this. I want to be that.

2010-04-26T17:47:00.000+05:30

Combat Wombat

2010-04-24T17:50:00.002+05:30

Ossum Possum

2010-04-24T17:44:00.000+05:30

Puzzled kangaroo

2010-04-24T17:37:00.001+05:30

This is an anteater

2010-04-15T23:46:00.000+05:30

Memories.

2010-02-28T10:04:00.004+05:30

The hardest part about leaving isn't knowing that the people you leave behind are going to go on with their lives. It's knowing that there won't be anyone who will set aside even a fraction of their lives which will wait for you to come back.

I feel adrift from the life I knew all too well for the past 5 years. I feel I do not belong any more.

David Ruffin

2009-07-29T07:37:00.001+05:30

Check out david ruffin from my blogroll, super funny.

Classroom escapades. (Particularly Terrible)

2009-06-22T23:07:00.006+05:30

Immanuel Kant, the leading light of the enlightenment was particularly known for his influential thesis on the..........

Shit. I don’t want to do this. I don’t. I don’t. I don’t. This is a fucking waste of time. Really.

He is never going to get it, is he?

It’s all a fucking waste.

I’d rather go ogle the babes in the next building. At least they have nice tits.

Can’t I just shoot myself?

I’d rather be shooting hoops, or smoking pot or scoring with the chicks.

What’s it like on the other side? How can someone survive being that boring?

I can’t stand this class any more.

BANG!

Bang Bang. My baby never let me down.

It’s all over now.

Culpable homicide.

14 years. Yeah, that’s a lifetime all right.

A lifetime of utter boredom while being sodomized into prison bitchhood.

Yeah. That’s all it is. It’s all a fucking waste.

Why do it? Why? Haven’t we brought you up good and proper?

Didn’t we send you to good schools? Made sure you visited church every Sunday?

Aren’t we paying your way through college?

Haven’t we given you everything you ever wanted?

Maybe,

Just Maybe, if you stopped thinking about yourselves for one fucking moment, you’d realize that this is not about you? Why, why, does every thing have to be about you?

It’s about me. Yes. Yes. I fucking killed a man. Put a gun against his head. Pulled the trigger now he is dead. And all that kind of shit.

So what? What’s your problem pops? Its not about you anymore innit? Isn’t it time you realized it? I can fucking do whatever I Want.

It’s not about you. It’s about me.

I never wanted to go to some pansy assed school where people pranced around in coloured undies and diddled their arses in class.

I never wanted to spend Sunday mornings getting groped by the pastor. You knew he was gay. You still had to send me to his Sunday school classes.

What kind of frikking pervert fantasies were you having that you have come to judge me huh?

This is mine. All mine. I killed him. This cell is all mine. This is all I have. You have no fucking right to take it away from me with your pansy shit faced lawyers.

I earned it. Every bloody bit. And you can’t take it away from me. It’s not something you bought with your filthy money.

Yes Sir, I quite understand your position. You are a respectable representative of our community. Obviously this young man is very disturbed. He has far too many issues with authority figures. I suggest we send him away for observation. Preferably to a good discreet private clinic. Under the care of a suitable psychiatric. It would do him some good. Maybe we can arrange for a few visits from some experts before we can claim insanity and then…

I ain’t going to some fucking shitfaced three balled clinic. I ain’t. I earned my cell. I earned it.

It’s the only thing I ever earned in my life which you, my motherfucking pops didn’t pay for with his motherfucking filthy credit cards.

Coz I fucking killed a man. And I am god damned proud of it. And I ain’t going to let anyone take it away from me. If I did it once…

BANG.

Bang bang my baby shot me down.

Bang Bang. My baby never let me down.

Resurfacing.

2009-06-22T23:01:00.001+05:30

I am not going to give any explanations. Period.

The last post.

2009-04-15T11:49:00.001+05:30

I can’t create art any more. I am afraid of it. I have become impotent in a way. Barren. Infertile. All I can come close to are ideas. But ideas do not constitute art. We can find ideas in art, but somehow I would like to think of art as being something more than a collection of ideas. As being a part of life, while being distinct from it. While being something more, something which cannot be grasped by mere reason, but can be understood through itself alone. I feel scared, it is like almost like being castrated. I am debating whether or not to take up WIP, whether it will help at all. Whether or not I will be able to create again. Whether or not the ability to procreate can be regenerated for me in a classroom.

Once upon a time I wouldn’t have thought twice if asked to write something. It was easy. I even made a major life changing decision based on my abilities. While I do not regret that decision in the least, I find it hard to justify it now. I find it even harder to take further decisions bases on my earlier decision.

This blog has seen me through a lot of troubled times. The best times of my life. The most challenging times of my life. It has grown with me. Evolved with me. Been like a part of me. I have said things here which I wanted to say, but had no place to. I have said things here which I never should have said and had to later retract. I have tried to represent what is me, what is not me, lied like there was no tomorrow, spelled out the harsh truth when every one thought I was joking. Learned what can be thrown out onto the public sphere, and what should be kept private. I have learned a lot.

Dear reader, as you can see, even what I write now, fails to flow smoothly. The ideas do not connect. The words feel uncomfortable beside each other. the paragraphs above do not have a sense of continuity. It doesn’t feel natural enough. Artificial. Contrite and contrived. Like the painted hooker from Dev D. Unnatural and out of place.

For once in my life, I don’t know what to write. I am at a loss for words, I have no words to write what I want to. A reason for that could be that I no longer have the time to read. I return home too tired to think. I leave home early, for I sell myself out for the comforts of a car ride. I try to forget the emptiness of my life as much as I can while I am in college. But. I still don’t know what to write. Until I manage to figure out, I lay this blog down to rest, with thankings for giving me a platform to write this on, to put some of my troubles into words and let them loose.

Thank you.

This is utterly incoherent and meaningless. Those who read this are particularly deranged.

Of quotes and what not...

2009-03-17T23:44:00.006+05:30

"History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce". This is a particularly favourite quote of mine. As is "Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex." Both are Marx. But then again " there are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosphy."

for the language of pain is the language of poetry else it is the stony refusal to speak, for words are often not enough.

I know that none of this makes much, sense, but it does to me, a lot. I don't know what I am trying to say, but most definitely there is more to these quotes than even meets my eye(w.r.t. myself, for no doubt that there is more to these quotes than I understand).

I can't sleep. My thoughts are weary and running helter skelter. There is so much I need to talk about, but I can't really do that with anyone, not even myself. Don't bother asking. I will ignore. The only thing that is helping me get through is my recent discovery... online net radio... the radio station Radio Swiss Jazz is playing, and life looks on meaninglessly...

Climbing the arbor magnus

2009-02-03T21:43:00.005+05:30

The JOO really does push its students to explore new heights. Like up a tree.

I did something new today.
I climbed the arbor magnus in front of the dept. today to put up a banner.
As strange as it may seem I have never climbed a tree before, so in a way kinda reclaiming my long lost childhood I was. Once people finished with the usual lame statements about me being in my natural element, I quite enjoyed it up there. Lends a whole new perspective to view the happenings of the university. Other than getting bark all over my Nehru coat and subsequently smelling of tree trunk all day long, it was quite a fun experience.

Book Fair Haul

2009-02-01T15:03:00.003+05:30

Book Fair Haul

G. I. Gurdjieff - Beelzebub's tales to his grandson.
Charles Baudelaire - Selected Poetry
Ogden Nash - The Best of Ogden Nash
Terry Pratchett - Hat full of sky
St. Augustine - City of God
Tom Holt - My Hero
Tom Holt - Who's Afraid of Beowulf
Turgenev - Fathers and Sons
Umberto Eco - On Literature
Umberto Eco - Turning back the clock
Umberto Eco - Conversations about the end of time
A Day in the country - Impressionism and the French Landscape

zoke. pliss to laff. or else.

2008-11-23T12:49:00.001+05:30

One sunny day in January, 2009, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."

The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you

understand?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."

Desiré

2008-11-21T20:28:00.001+05:30

I know I won't get it.
I know it will never happen.
Why do I still want it?
Why do I put up with the pain of not having it and still wanting it?
Desire is so god damned paradoxical.

hmm..

2008-09-25T20:05:00.000+05:30

Marc Faber comment on US economy.

Investment analyst and entrepreneur Dr. Marc Faber concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008) with the Following:

''The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China . If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer it will go to India . If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala . If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany . If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy. The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in US. I've been doing my part.'

"Great with all kinds of meat and roast"

2008-09-21T20:12:00.002+05:30

Vina Monty. Spanish Wine Ad.

Food glorious food.

2008-09-20T19:35:00.001+05:30

I had the best meal of my life today.
Bhat. Shukto. Dal. Brilliant Lau Chingri. Classic ageless timeless preparation of Ilish Mach practised to a perfection. Mangsho which was perfect. Served by grandmother types person with a lot of love. And made just for me.

The Oogy barbarian has the best grandmother ever. Grandmothers rock.

Moojik

2008-09-20T11:17:00.001+05:30

I am high on music after a long time.
A really long time.
It feels good.
Though my musical tastes have changed a lot over the years, gone are the days of head banging to Dime Store Rock.
I find myself listening more to stuff with the jazz bigband sound, new orleans jazz and chicago style blues. And increasingly Hindustani classical, though I don't understand much of the technical nitty gritties. Yes, people do outgrow their musical tastes. Especially those from school.

I spent the last few hours listening and re listening to music from two of my favourite musicals, namely the Blues Brothers. And the latest discovery of Randy Newman's Faust.

I promise to continue the sex ratio rant in my next post.

The great divide.

2008-09-19T23:02:00.002+05:30

Read this. This will provide the statistics to back up what i am talking about.
http://www.hinduonnet.com/mag/2004/08/29/stories/2004082900130100.htm

Here is a short summary.

Year Females per 1000 males in India.
1901 972
1911 964
1921 955
1931 950
1941 945
1951 946
1961 941
1971 930
1981 934
1991 927
2001 914
2011 ?

Need I say more? Do not you educated people know what such a badly skewed sex ratio can do and in fact is doing to the social fabric of your country?

A friend of mine had drawn my attention to this in a trivial manner. He being a schoolmate of mine, had gone off to Germany for his graduation and had come back after a year. Somehow he has managed to disappear from the face of the world ever since and hasn't been contactable. However. I digress.

Ah well. Powercut. Will continue later. The UPS beeps like its life depends on it.

may be's

2008-09-18T22:25:00.002+05:30

Someday i will create a classic.
not a pierrot le fou.

not a rashomon.

not a pother pnachali (i hate neo-realists) (ideological stances)

but maybe something which has no isms or ists.
something ageless and timeless.
maybe like the sound of music. or mary poppins. something for children to grow up with. not something to outgrow.

but then again, all of these are just maybes.

Rediscovery.

2008-09-17T16:40:00.006+05:30

You are always alone with yourself

The one candle still burning

Through the night flickering and yearning.

Burning purpose, meaning and love

Licking the solitude up above

PS. New links added. do check. most be very nice blogs.

The department of motor vehicles.

2008-09-09T19:36:00.002+05:30

someday.
when i have enough strength and initiative i will blog about the total sham the department of motor vehicles is.
for now be content with knowing that it is a sham and you don't really need to know how to drive a car to be able to get a license to drive a powered motor vehicle in this city.

Dirty Jokes:.

2008-08-29T19:26:00.003+05:30

I dont give a hoot if you are the kind who gets offended or thinks them to be in bad taste, for i happen to think they are funny. If you have any please do share... If not I couldn't care. Dirty jokes are funny and thats that.

A Husband wrote the following letter for his Wife and left it on the
dining room table:

To My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being
54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I
value you as a good Wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I
hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be
spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn
Hotel.

Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight.

When the man came home late that night, he found the following
letter on the dining room table:

My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being
54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you
that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at
our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read
this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my
students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young,
virile, and like your secretary, is
18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent
knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same
situation, although with one small difference: 18 goes into 54 a lot
more times than 54 goes into 18!!!

Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow!
**

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage
suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink." Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: "MOUNT & DO"

Thought for the day

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large adult population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Back in black.

2008-08-29T15:42:00.003+05:30

I am back.

I am pretty much broken, but i am back. If not in black, at least in denim blue.

The last week or so was bad. I started off with a nasty fever, which wouldn't respond to medicines, and then it relapsed again. I have recovered, but not too strong. The three weeks before that were some of the toughest days of my life to get through. But I did. And I survived.

I might be broken in flesh and spirit, but hope springs eternal in the hearts of man. At this point, I am not claiming to be the fountain of good cheer, but as I said, I am back, and I will survive. Bit by bit, I will start writing again. This is a starting off point. Hopefully I will have something concrete to say in a week or so. I have a new phone, and there are pictures from it, but I can't transfer them to my computer as I don't have a bluetooth dongle. Apple looks like it will be launching the new aluminium macbooks within a month. Maybe then.

For now.

Cheerio and pip pip.

burn.

2008-08-23T18:00:00.001+05:30

ah. if only to curl and burn.
like useless paper set aflame by wannabe arsonists.

ps. the hiatus is still on.

A temporary hiatus.

2008-08-10T20:39:00.003+05:30

i am going through a severe depressive spell.
the ups and downs are quite drastic and they are taking a toll on me.
physically, emotionally and spiritually.
i shall update this blog later, when i have recovered and am in a better frame of mind.
so for now, this is a temporary hiatus.

au revoir.

ijustcanttakeitanymore

2008-07-18T20:07:00.002+05:30

When a cancer like loneliness eats away within you
all you can do is watch with a perverse pleasure at your soul withering away
and laugh with an inanity unparallelled
endless chains of revolting...

ptok

2008-07-10T10:04:00.002+05:30

I stick out my hand and I get shouted at.
I stand on my feet and I get shouted at.

I just wish I could be in charge of my own pleasure.

gah. and pah. I feel castrated.

I want a new big other.

Marcel Duchamp take 2

2008-07-09T08:35:00.001+05:30

My Song of the Week

2008-07-01T07:28:00.002+05:30

History of art.

2008-06-30T19:29:00.002+05:30

MINE ALL MINE!!

I is buying 2 books on art history every year.
This years first book.

Joo te Marcell Duchamp

2008-06-30T19:24:00.002+05:30

Jadobpoorer Marcell Duchamp

Outside Academy. Muddy dog. Passing Shoe. Maidan.

2008-06-24T21:35:00.001+05:30

picture

Meaningless Keyboard Violence.

2008-06-24T21:04:00.003+05:30

Meaningless Keyboard Violence: the latest in semiotics.

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Language is a strange beast, funny and elusive.

2008-06-24T20:49:00.003+05:30

Language continues to elude me.
I feel devoid of meaning.
Painfully am trying to blog a few words, but the fingers drag reluctantly with an oppressive inertia.
Why does text have to be so painful? And speech trashy?

I shall say GAH like Theophilus Goon did several childhoods ago.
GAH.
And not to forget PAH.

I think he had issues with his mother which is why he used to skip the ma.

Pliss to excuse bad joke. Reading too much psychoanalysis. And I always make bad jokes.

pokeroo.

2008-06-10T19:57:00.003+05:30

first online purchase from firstandsecond.com

takes a month to deliver

GAH.

not to forget PAH.

Of wombats fruitbats cricketbats dingbats other battybats and memories

2008-06-03T01:25:00.005+05:30

A conversation brought back certain memories.

Memories of a painful past.

That history repeats itself.

The one candle still burning

Through the night flickering and yearning.

Burning purpose, meaning and love

Licking the solitude up above

For the aforementioned person with whom conversation took place :

You are always alone with yourself. That’s a contradiction you will have to live with all your life.

I can't draw to save my life.

2008-05-31T23:32:00.003+05:30

My rather blasphemous attempts at digital art.

also I will post my promised post on art and the unacceptable sometime soon. I will. Pwomiss. Pukka pwomiss.

Do Zoo's make any sense ?

2008-05-28T12:13:00.003+05:30

In their current state, for the animals, no.

Yet they are an amazing place to introduce kids to animals, to marvel at the majesty of the lions, to see the deer frolic, and it really isn't possible to see all such animals by taking a cross country tour of all the Indian forest resorts. Not unless you are a dedicated forest traveller. And zoos are the best place to sensitize little children from the very beginning, about caring for wild animals. But zoo's as the Kolkata zoo exists today, doesn't make any sense. No zoo worth it's salt keeps animals in cages any more. The ongoing plans of the zoo to shift to the bye-pass has plans to eradicate the cages altogether, except for a few rare birds and small active creatures like monkeys. But with the lackadaisical attitude of the zoo people, we might get a few more electrocuted during the shift. Whatever. This isn't a post really, more of a rambling. ZOO's need to improve. Geddit?

A candle in the zoo.

2008-05-26T08:43:00.003+05:30

It's a shame.

A veritable shame.

Yesterday, a giraffe died on the road. It was being transported in an open box by truck from Kolkata to Nandankanan in Orissa as a part of the zoo transfer program. Zoo transfer programs are ideally meant to increase the diversity of animals amongst zoos while at the same time ensuring that there is no fall in the standards of the available gene pool for breeding. However they rarely do so, especially when the animal in question has been imported from another country. Sundar, the 11 year old Kolkata born Kenyan giraffe, while being transported from Alipore to Nandankanan in Orissa, was being transported in an open box, which is a dangerous practice, never followed by any zoo with an ounce of brain in their cranial cavities. Open boxes are dangerous as animals might try to escape, they might be badly affected by excessive exposure to the sun, they might be bothered by birds and as they are not in a position to move about, they might no the able to shoo away the birds, and several other reasons, which you can find out if you bother to trawl through the wonderful book "A Zoo in my Luggage". But let us overlook this manifest ignorance about global zoo practices. What is even more appalling is the fact that the truck carrying the giraffe, as a result of rash driving, managed to bang the Sundar's neck into a electric pole, and the people did not realize that the giraffe was hurt for half an hour. And when a giraffe hurts his neck, IT FRIGGING HURTS! An average male giraffe upon maturity has a very long neck, close to 8 feet. Eight feet of excruciating pain, and eight feet is bigger than any human you will ever see. And the icing on the cake is that the giraffe got electrocuted on the high tension wire for a few seconds. Very few humans can survive that, without significant brain damage. And now for the cherry on top, the people driving the van, who oh so very obviously had never driven about animals before, sat there and didn't do anything, while trying to decide whether to take it back to Alipore, a two hour drive away, or to continue on for another four hours. While poor Sundar floundered on. Battling for life. Ultimately, only when the zoo directors set up a tele-conference and decided that Sundar was to be brought back, did Sundar come back to Kolkata. Such exemplary abilities of planing, management, and compassion can only be best rewarded by a Bharat Ratna. And then a dying Sundar made the journey back to Kolkata. Only to be held up by the traffic police, for heavy vehicles are not allowed within the city precincts from 8AM to 10 PM. Poor Sundar expired, while waiting for permission to enter the city he was born in. And with him died a lot of hopes. That Kolkata could look after it's children.

It's all over.

2008-05-23T12:42:00.000+05:30

I'm happy as a puppy

evergreen days

2008-05-19T18:10:00.000+05:30

i cant wait for classes to start. i miss college.

Hope springs eternal in the hearts of man. Or does it?

2008-05-15T08:51:00.002+05:30

It takes a lot of courage to keep walking without hope.

It takes even more to stop moving when you don't have purpose.

i will not be a quitter..

2008-05-15T00:34:00.000+05:30

its just not worth the work/life balance
its creative all right
but ultimately there are too many sacrifices
and not all of them are ideological
but sheer physical
you work 14 hours a day
comute for 2
sleep 6
and barely exist for 2

and if you do this for 6 days a week

there is not much of you left to enjoy the seventh day

my sole problem is that i am not a quitter, but a gritter

i grit my teeth and keep on going
but at the end one wonders what for

Beyond pain and pleasure.

2008-05-11T21:29:00.005+05:30

It's all really pointless innit?

We hope. We anticipate. We expect. We demand.

And they claim that hope springs eternal in the hearts of man.

What if one can't hope any more? What if I refused to?

Things no longer do make sense, and frankly my dear, I don't really give a damn.

When all that is left beyond is life devoid of passion, emotion, and all that ballyhoo which make most people feel life is worth it. At times a feeling sweeps over that maybe you are trying to pointlessly over-squeeze lemotion like the madman shakes the dead geranium. Like masturbating your ego till you rub it raw. Trying to cling onto a past which you know is overrated coz you designed the fucking rating system.

The guppetus was right. Its like the painful repeated drudgery of a bowel movement. It gives you a pleasure you don't really want. You do have to get it over with. But even if you know you have to get it over with. You don't really want to. Coz even in the end nothings really worth it. No amount of pain you inflict on yourself is ultimately going to hurt you. Even if it bleeds. No amount of pleasure that you get is really ever going to be enough. Sometimes your life just moves beyond pain and pleasure. Nothing ever matters.

P.S. Oh and btw Disney has really been going ballistic with High School Musical. Their ultra sugary pomo kiddie pop directors are now leaving comments about the process of film making as funny blurbs in the cine-frames. How very intertextual and hypertextual and metatextual and all that theory laden shit.

On what constitutes Art

2008-04-22T21:25:00.003+05:30

I will blog about this http://www.yaledailynews.com/articles/view/24513 and http://www.yaledailynews.com/articles/view/24528 and

http://www.euroweeklynews.com/news/6831.html as soon as my criticism core paper is over.

Boy in a box

2008-04-20T18:59:00.001+05:30

touched.

2008-04-14T23:34:00.001+05:30

I am touched.

Someone actually reads my blog and writes about it. In a news paper.

http://www.tribuneindia.com/2008/20080412/saturday/main2.htm

Thankee muchly kind lady.

a note about my reading habits: I alternate between derrida and opal mehta. I skip all the stuff in between.

aaargh

2008-04-11T21:14:00.002+05:30

too many exams

too few days

cant take it any more

plus crappy content writing

dont understand swapan da stuff

more information

2008-04-06T22:49:00.002+05:30

song called: rajarshi tomar jonno something austrailiaye

and an old bangla film which had the story line of a quack doctor inventing a lozenge which was made of bhejal tel, which forced the user to spill their darkest secrets. girl starts to sing "ami je koto prem korechi" in the middle of class.

please give me more information about these. its important. also where to find them.

piccies

2008-04-02T22:45:00.002+05:30

weird tree thing

aritra by dark

the little one

the sweetest Eeyore

kolkata by night

more kolkata traffic

even more traffic

if you can guess the locality of the pictures correctly then i will burn a dvd for free for you. provided i like you and you supply the media.

Sanity and Insanity.

2008-03-31T00:10:00.005+05:30

This was originally meant to be a comment on another blog, but i kind of liked what i wrote for its sheer poetic value. Reusing content. Devoid of it's original context. Depersonalized. Flaunted for its sheer formal value. Yes, culture is a material construct. Here goes.

The problem in our lives is a distinct lack of zen. When life loses meaning it loses the frame which defines it as life, so just let it go. Don’t panic. All that was solid has to melt into thin air. The more you struggle to maintain sanity, the further it will elude you. Just give up. Stop struggling. And your life shall turn into art, no longer bound by the mortal frameworks of life. No longer bound by human constrictions, just bound by itself in all its existential glory. And in art shalt thou be immortal and infinite, and merge into the same, and achieve fanaa. As all that is light begins and ends in nothingness, so there too shall you merge along with the light, for you are the light, the light that reflects off you as well as the light that you are. In the passing of light through the atmosphere, it has to strike many dust particles to reflect off and then be seen. Pure light cannot be seen. Similarly sanity does not exist, that which you seek for, just that insanity helps you to believe that there can be the sanity that you seek. And since there is no meaning, not a lack of it, but no meaning at all, as the concept of meaning is a false concept, let us go and celebrate, for laughter is the sweetest music, and helps to dissolve the anxiety which demands meaning from our meaningless lives.

Enough philosophizing for one night. Go get drunk and make merry while you still can.

Motopix

2008-03-28T22:29:00.002+05:30

Bear snout.

someone's epiglottis, forgot who.

my grand daughter's nose

walter pater's pate

someone's eye

Love the Rhino - It won't hurt you

2008-03-22T21:44:00.007+05:30

Rhinos are kinda coot.

They are also odd toed ungulates.

Dunno how they would get along with odd toads though.

They are also dangerous.

They are also on the verge of extinction.

Bad, greedy humans hunt them.

Don't.

Rhinos have a symbiotic relationship with birds. Just wish they had the same with us.

We have been pushing animals into extinction faster than any other species.

Great power comes with great responsibility. Guess we never took it up.

Spare some moolah: http://www.rhinos-irf.org/support/

Spare some time: http://www.savetherhino.org/etargetsrinm/site/589/default.aspx

Motorola UI akin to Vista

2008-03-15T08:17:00.006+05:30

I got my W375 yesterday.

I like the phone, but given a chance I would upgrade.

Unlike my first phone, a Nokia 3100, I am finding it quite difficult to love it.

It's Ok. Nice and sleek. But. Somehow it's not a Nokia.

It might have more features and functions, but still. It's not a Nokia.

The user interface is very slow and difficult to figure out, unlike any Nokia phone.

The keypad is bad. I cannot envision it lasting for more than 2 years.

It's a nice phone, all phone's have their own limitations, and I do like it still.

But it is not a Nokia.

It's kinda like the difference between a Mac and a PC. Once you get accustomed to a Mac interface, which is very logically planned, simple and well thought out, you find it very difficult to adjust to a slow, buggy and badly conceptualized labyrinth called Vista.

It also makes me refer to the manual more times than I would like. I have used a Mac for about 4-5 times about 4 months ago, and I still can help out anyone to figure out a mac, if it has problems, not that macs do have problems. If you asked me how to do something on a w375 I doubt I could help you. Even six months down the line.

Quality tends to make you complacent about it, unless you run into something inferior. And features alone don't make a phone.

Simplicity and minimalism rocks. Don't undervalue it.

BTW it has a camera. So expect to see pictures here more often.

Three weeks of disconnection.

2008-03-14T05:58:00.004+05:30

I could write one of those technology is so ubiquitous these days posts.

I could write one of those god I hate technology but I still have to live with it posts.

But life is never like that. It's all about achieving the middle path.

To use technology for it's conveniences, but to never be dependent on it. To enjoy yet still not become complacent. In short, to be Zen, without it or not.

I lost my phone, to the wiles of a plump, nicely browned, evidently "cultured", woman. Pink saree. Gold bangles. Shades. N72. Good Indian Mother types. Did I mention N72? I still don't get it. The woman had a N72. Why on earth would she want my old battered Nokia 3100? The only features it had were a colour screen and a WAP browser.

I felt terrible. Not because of the value of the phone. It wasn't much. The contacts. I lost several irreplaceable contacts. And I had been putting off copying them out. For two years. Also gone were several messages of great sentimental value. It felt like I had lost a part of myself.

Yet losing a phone has it's advantages. My mother doesn't pester me continuously to come back home. Correction. She can't. No more disturbing tele-marketeers. Soon after that you really feel the pinch, for somehow we have all grown used to the many conveniences of a mobile phone. But then you get used to it. This is not to say that I intend to remain disconnected for ever. I am getting my connection back. But I fully intend to enjoy this period of limbo for sometime.

Hopefully I should be reconnected today. With a motorola w375. It's all I can afford at the moment. And it only has a phone book memory of 100. Therefore it will force me to write down all my contacts and just retain the most used ones or important ones in the phone.

On a different note: I think I am back to blogging. My period of revitalization is nearly over. I am more or less back, refreshed, and with fresh new perspectives. I fully intend to blog more often from now on.

And I have a head-cold. I really want to get myself a vapourizer.

hatir matha ar ulto gadha

2008-02-23T23:49:00.002+05:30

stuff i identify with a lot

2008-02-14T21:31:00.005+05:30

i heart heart thees mans quotes.
they sum up a lot of my beliefs."very effectively.
it isnt often that the pseudo-intellectual crap people put on their blogger side bars actually make sense. hats off to r for introducing me to crap which isnt actually crap, and identify with a lot.

Chuck Palahniuk

The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. stone crumbles. wood rots. people, well, they die. but things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on.

People have to really suffer before they can risk doing what they love.

More and more, it feels like I'm doing a really bad impersonation of myself.

We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.

It's because we're so trapped in our culture, in the being of being human on this planet with the brains we have, and the same two arms and legs everybody has. We're so trapped that any way we could imagine to escape would be just another part of the trap. Anything we want, we're trained to want.

the hand of the father

2008-02-04T00:33:00.000+05:30

Dissolaceter: Solace dissolved in a disaster

2008-01-16T22:17:00.000+05:30

Time dissolves in my cup

I dissolve in my cup

My cup dissolves in me

Please won’t you have my tea?

Let me assure you

It’s totally free.

This is a pome dedicated to the pierrot.

general update

2008-01-05T07:51:00.000+05:30

Hi prithibi.Ki up?

Peep has succumbed to the winter

I am discovering my post modernity

Poke at the world in general

I now have a warm red acrylic fibre blanky which feels like the softest bear ever.

YAY for acrylic fibre for making the warmest lightest softest blankets ever.

Went to see WELCOME. It is one of the bestestest crazycool movies I have ever seen. Can't stop recommending it to people. Go see it. Enjoy it because you havent discovered your pomo, or like it even more because you have.

I have been staying up late at night these days thunking.

Am going for mohin concert today. Workshop in morning. By some kind of Orko chappie. Wonder what I will do today inbetween. wish i didnt live so distantfar from souths. Maybe i will drop by the joo.

hot halua!!

2007-12-12T01:30:00.000+05:30

exams are over
have made tons of gajorer halua
was angry at maid
i had told her to scrape and chop. she had boiled as well.
now anyone with half a wit knows that you cant make halua out of boiled carrots.
got some more carrots.

2kg carrots
lots of scraping and pulverizing
1/2 kg ghee
1/4 kg sugar
tin of condensed milk
some more milk
assorted nuts and raisins later i have : voila . 3 kgs of halua. and no one to eat it. post exam cookout is relaxing.
poke at the world.

LOVABLE LINK

2007-10-21T00:54:00.000+05:30

My favourite website these days
www.roughlydrafted.com
a website documenting the history of technology and how Apple played a role in it.
Try it out for some gripping reading..

AND I WANT A MAC BOOK BAD!!!! AND AN IPOD AND EVERY THING APPLE. INCLUDING THE 30" CINEMA DISPLAY!!!

All that was solid has melted into thin air.

2007-10-20T21:07:00.000+05:30

Its funny how you start taking technology for granted, how you start to rely on it, and then one day, it turns around and stabs you in the back. It seems so easy to rely on it. But it never is really completely reliable. Just before a trip I am looking around for my backup DVDs to restore some of my music to my mp3 player and lo behold. The floods earlier on which had taken to invading the bujokins home and mine, have watered the bag of backup DVDs. Which normally shouldn't be a problem as DVDs are washable, but apparently the DVDs have chemically reacted to the dirty water in which it was for a week and are discoloured. Reality takes a bit of time to sink in. Today I lost all of my music which I had accumulated over 10 years. I still haven't grasped the enormity of the situation yet. It feels weirdly uncomfortable. For its not the complete Simon and Garfunkel or the complete Led Zeppelin that I miss the most. Its the odd not so readily available singles which I miss. And all of it is gone. Tried all kinds of DVD data recovery software. Can't even get back a TOC. Cant even download them again over an entire year. As long as it was on the discs I didn't bother about them much. Now that its gone, its not the music that I miss, its the personal touch. Now all that I am left with is a few files of Hindi trash which I had been avoiding writing onto DVDs. And its all gone. So what can I rely on any more? Perhaps the only reliable person is you. But then psychoanalysis classes are also showing me to not trust my memory and my brain. We are indeed living in a post-modern world where trust is a figment of our imagination. Reliability is candidly absent from our lives. What can we depend on any more? We rely increasingly on computers and other technological innovations. But the more dependent we become, the more the spectre of uncertainty and unreliability is haunting us. We really cant depend on any thing more can we? But why do we want to depend? Throughout the passage of time we have seen that people want to depend more and more on certain things, things which are tangible and reproducible. Almost as if an invisible force is guiding us, reminding us that after all we are never going to be comfortable with modernity, that life is intrinsically nihilistic and that the only thing certain is death. As man develops deeper and deeper relationships with objects of daily use, as he tries to replace the landscape he is alienated from by the process of urbanization with personal artifacts, which are portable, the ability to rely on anything is lost. Earlier farming would have implied that you relied on the sun to rise every day and set every night, but the city has replaced the sun with electric lights to replace it. And In the city high rises and tall buildings with busy lifestyles ensure that we rarely get the time to look at the sun. Farming would have entailed that you got to till the soil and feel the firm soil under your feet. Earthquakes would be the only sign of modernity. The soil is estranged from the feet which tread it by bituminous layers. People live suspended in air most of the day in high rise buildings. Perhaps the point I am trying to make is that greater the fragmentation in our lives, the greater is the level of distrust. Also greater is the need for trust.

Doggy Duo

2007-10-15T00:08:00.000+05:30

Aye... Kya Bolti Tu?

Lediss and jantelmen... presenting ... peep and poop.

We rescued them during the great floods and they have been residing on our rooftop. Now they need a home coz they are starting to grow up. Ladies and Not so gentle men, do try and find these people a home. At least in a corner of your heart.

dear blog

2007-09-28T21:42:00.000+05:30

hello blog. its me.
your not so great as you make me out to be owner.
I know I haven't paid you much attention. I am really sorry, I am.
I know I havent really put my heart into posting for nigh about some less than a year.
I know.
I was busy changing.
changing more than I thought I could.
I am still dealing with the change. changes in my perception and in my thought. finding purpose.
I know change is inevitable. Yet it takes time to deal with.
I promise to be back. I care for you. I really do.
I am no longer an alluder of alliterations. I am myself. A tygr, burning bright, "burning always with a hard, gemlike flame". Burning for i have no other choice. I have to burn brightly because I can do no other. I will be back with a fresh perspective, and purpose. I cannot promise profundity/profanity but I will be back. With myself. Not with a meaningless shell of fancy words.

oral action

2007-09-22T17:37:00.000+05:30

life sucks
love bites
words swallowed

complete the rest

convo at 7:30 in the morning

2007-09-14T08:27:00.000+05:30

QQQQQQQQQQ: what?!

Arunava Banerjee: happy birthday

QQQQQQQQQQ: what?!

Arunava Banerjee: you were born once right?

Arunava Banerjee: people do celebrate that still in these days i assume?

QQQQQQQQQQ: no

QQQQQQQQQQ: few times

QQQQQQQQQQ: well I do it in May

QQQQQQQQQQ: i think last time I was born as a cockroach

QQQQQQQQQQ: but I dont think that was in may

QQQQQQQQQQ: But I am sure my previous birth was in form of a cockroach

QQQQQQQQQQ: But I must have done something really bad

QQQQQQQQQQ: to be sent back as humans

QQQQQQQQQQ: as a human

QQQQQQQQQQ: cause

QQQQQQQQQQ: cockraoch is the highest form of evolution in the karmic cycle

QQQQQQQQQQ: next time I am aiming high... not only a cockroach, but a white one

QQQQQQQQQQ: After that it is going to be onboard Brahma's cosmic superstellar abode

Arunava Banerjee: well you can do it any time you want.. why just in may? and cockroaches can survive nuclear holocausts... they are immune to radioactivity.. or atleast 57 times so compared to humans

QQQQQQQQQQ: where life is like one continuous orgasm

QQQQQQQQQQ: and ... 1 sec is like many centuries

Arunava Banerjee: hmmm

QQQQQQQQQQ: exactly

QQQQQQQQQQ: that is why cockroach is the on the top

QQQQQQQQQQ: and they are actually very very intelligent

QQQQQQQQQQ: a fact not well researched

QQQQQQQQQQ: but sometimes they suffer from bouts of schizophrenia

Arunava Banerjee: humans are also far more likely to paint the next melting clocks or build the next taj mahal.. and not get splatted by a woman or pest control

QQQQQQQQQQ: cockroaches want to be splatted dead

QQQQQQQQQQ: or gassed

QQQQQQQQQQ: ticket to Bramhanda

QQQQQQQQQQ: ppl who paint melting clocks are morons of the highest order

QQQQQQQQQQ: imbeciles

QQQQQQQQQQ: except the one with funny moustache

QQQQQQQQQQ: he was stark raving shina pagol

QQQQQQQQQQ: i hear he is caught in a cycle of insectivorous and archinoid existences

Arunava Banerjee: which one?

QQQQQQQQQQ: Dali

QQQQQQQQQQ: mostly being eaten at larvae stage

QQQQQQQQQQ: this will continue for two millenia

QQQQQQQQQQ: and then he might qualify for a rebirth as a sloth

QQQQQQQQQQ: if he has been good in those few seconds... there;s also a chance he might just be born as a tarantula

QQQQQQQQQQ: or scorpion

Arunava Banerjee: ok .. advice for the day.. celebrate your birthday today.. even if its not.. buy yourself some huge chocolate cake and a large bottle of brandy and make merry all night long..

QQQQQQQQQQ: however cosmic mathematics is tricky and the dimensional variables can have cumulato-psuedo-random effects

QQQQQQQQQQ: I am flying back to XYZ today

QQQQQQQQQQ: hopefully the beautiful girl on the next seat makes a big pass at me and before we land we are already feeling each other's genitals

Arunava Banerjee: and never forget the candles... you are not allowed to have cake which doesnt have candle wax on it

Arunava Banerjee: try covering her with birthday cake

QQQQQQQQQQ: candles? No sodium vapour is fine for pseudo kinky sex

QQQQQQQQQQ: if she likes fish

QQQQQQQQQQ: what do I do?

QQQQQQQQQQ: serious question?!!!

Arunava Banerjee: as in you want a simple fish recipe?

Arunava Banerjee: fish?

QQQQQQQQQQ: no way

QQQQQQQQQQ: I will deprive her in a show of sado-masochisitic generousity

Arunava Banerjee: what??? me no understand? is there fish on the plane and you will take her share?

QQQQQQQQQQ: well whatever

Arunava Banerjee: hmm

QQQQQQQQQQ: ttyl

QQQQQQQQQQ: got to get ready now

QQQQQQQQQQ: enough fish and cockroaches

QQQQQQQQQQ: toodloo

Arunava Banerjee: dont forget teh candles and cake

Arunava Banerjee: todoloo to do loo

Arunava Banerjee: get it?

QQQQQQQQQQ: k, k

QQQQQQQQQQ: my birthday is on X May 2008

Arunava Banerjee: as in todloo to do loo

Arunava Banerjee: ok

Arunava Banerjee: but celebrate it today once again nevertheless

QQQQQQQQQQ: dead right

QQQQQQQQQQ: Loo's call!

QQQQQQQQQQ: k, k, k

QQQQQQQQQQ: bye now

Arunava Banerjee: byes

absurd

2007-09-06T07:24:00.000+05:30

America - Sandman

6:30

depressed dark dismal

"a crisis of faith" as popularised by MT

pick up the phone

fingers reach out to dial

the phone meaninglessly rings

realization that there is nobody to call

then the absurdity strikes

no one is awake at this hour

laughing like a weatherbeaten battered oak caught in a storm

the fact that there are more than 25 crore telephone connections..

all of them equally meaningless

just numbers with voices at the end

the same old hackneyed technology seperates us to connect us line...

Tygr Tygr Burning Bright

safari

2007-07-15T00:27:00.000+05:30

I am using Safari now

It Rocks

Looks brilliant

wayyy faster than Firefox or IE

very standards compliant

Apple Rocks

I might even consider a Mac Book at this rate

challenge

2007-06-28T11:47:00.000+05:30

Man is free, but he finds his law in his very freedom..
Guess who said that without googling

time

2007-06-25T23:06:00.000+05:30

If you want me to use my brain apply within 10:00 to 22:00
Brain will not be available for work after these times.

Art

2007-06-18T21:47:00.000+05:30

I do not possess an infinite reserve of knowledge like a Hopeless Pierrot and nor do I claim that my views are the absolute truth, for this is a muchly debated topic and I feel that even though I am taking a stand-point now, I am very likely to change it later down the line. This is a question which I have taken to contemplating a lot on a very personal level and these are the conclusions and several questions I have come up with:

An artist creates for he is dissatisfied with his society. He therefore tries to create an alternative to the reality which encompasses him for it is only by creating an alternate reality can he mould it to his wishes as he sees fit. It is about power. The present society does not allow him to shape it as he sees fit. So therefore he creates an alternative over which he has the power to control and shape, thus satisfying his ego. It is also dependant on his sexual drive, for the urge to create, is at a deeper level, purely sexual, for as you give birth to life, in the same manner you also give birth to ideas, art, literature, and music. An interesting thought is that if the process of creation is sexual, then is the process of making a film an orgy? If so, then are students of film studies the most perverse of voyeurs? So can we draw the conclusion that at some level all artists are cerebro-sexually frustrated that they try to create art since they cannot reconcile themselves with the impotency of their reality? Maybe. Maybe Not. Now why is the artist dissatisfied? I believe it is because he cannot reconcile his modernity with that of his culture for his personal modernity is more evolved than that of those surrounding him. But all this is a pile of crap, for when I do write something I feel good. And I keep on asking myself, whats the point of thinking why? Is there really a point to thinking? And still I go on thinking...

Movie list

2007-05-22T20:19:00.000+05:30

I compiled my list of movies.. it stands at 179
anyone who wants a copy of the list pliss to email me....

Tags...

2007-05-06T15:59:00.000+05:30

I have been tagged by a dolphin.
Tags are requests by a member of the blogging community to another to answer some questions so that they may be better introduced to the blogosphere. Usually you are not supposed to reveal any personally identifiable information. Tags are propagated amongst the community so that new users may get better introduced. I have been tagged by a dolphin, in turn i tag some other people to answer the same questions.

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it:
Left eyebrow, uncle pushing me on speeding tricycle + big head + leg of bed
2. What is on the walls in your room?
cobwebs
3. What does your phone look like?
dirty 3100
4. What music do you listen to?
jazzrockbluessufi
5. What is your current desktop picture?
Dont use a wallpaper, slows down your system
6. What do you want more than anything right now?
For the cook to get out of kitchen so i can start cooking
7. Do you believe in gay marriage?
As long as it isn't mine
8. What date and time were you born?
I was born on a planet where time has no meaning.
9. Are your parents still together?
No, One drops by on weekends, if he is free. Job in North Bengal.
10. What are you listening to?
The drone of a noisy unoiled fan
12. The last person to make you cry?
Onions for my famed tomato-chicken
13. What is your favourite perfume/cologne?
pheromones
14. What kind of hair/eye colour do you like on the opposite sex?
any colour which they are born with and not purchased in a beauty parlour.
15. Do you like pain killers?
Not particularly. they tend to screw up my sleep schedule. AND THAT MAKES ME MAD.
16. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Depends.
17. Fave pizza topping?
Depends on who is paying. If it is someone else, then all toppings are wonderful.
18. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
PIZZZA..
19. Who was the last person you made mad?
I make my mother mad at me every 15 seconds.
20. Is anyone in love with you?
I sure hope so. Being deluded for a whole year is plain stupid.

I now tag Sensational, Onnesha, Aquilus, and Pierrot.

PS. I now have more posts than the blabberwocky blog. all of 102.

Gitanjali by Rabindranath Tagore

2007-04-16T00:16:00.000+05:30

Rabindranath Tagore: "Mind Without Fear

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;

Where knowledge is free;

Where the world has not been broken up
into fragments by narrow domestic walls;

Where words come out from the depth of truth;

Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;

Where the clear stream of reason
has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;

Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action---

Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake. "

To sleep, perchance to dream - - - [ Hamlet (III, i, 65-68) ]

2007-03-22T19:58:00.000+05:30

When nothing seems to make sense
When hope seems so far away
When all that you want is innocence
Life seems too much a price to pay
Since all that you want is now broken
Nothing seems to matter today
Time now strangles out your tears
For an eternity is too far away
Now that the hopes are all broken
And you are all that I am left with
A chance that you might know the way

© Arunava Banerjee

Grrrrrrrrr

2007-03-18T00:59:00.000+05:30

I HATE dentists. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Jacques Lacan.. Analayse this

2007-02-25T23:43:00.000+05:30

Ring Ring
ello
Um.. God? I think we have a small problem down here
whoat?
Jesus is raping my ass
go to hell
i am in hell
well stay there you motherfucker
its your call really Dad... you are the one who told our old teacher moses not to indulge in incest
well go sodomize him then Lucifer coz i swindled that motherfucker

In die Karribik

2007-02-17T21:35:00.000+05:30

Time knowledge continuum

2007-02-16T23:26:00.000+05:30

I have been feeling rather scared these days... as the days go by I keep on discovering the limitations and the smallness(is there is such a word) of my knowledge. There is so much to know and only one lifetime to know it in. To know all about that I want to know about .. I don't think there will ever be time enough. I feel hopelessly lost and scared.

Nothing official about it

2007-02-14T21:20:00.000+05:30

I am officially in love.
I have been blown away and mindfucked.
I never thought that a class could be this good.
There are two ways to bridge space-time continuum - 1>Through cinema 2>Through a brilliant professors class.
All over the world and 3 centuries in 45 minuites.
For free.
It doesnt get any better.

Once again let me reiterate... I am officially in love.

Just GO AWAY!!!

2007-01-31T22:12:00.000+05:30

Why the hell cant all of you just fuck off and go to hell...??? get lost and stay lost??? Just GO!!! fucking moronic voyeurs on a persons thoughts...

Why the hell can’t you go? Just fucking leave me alone? Why do you have to stare at me? Take away my right to be not stared at? Privacy at a premium kya? I don’t want you. Not here. Not now. Not ever. You gaze burns into previous wounds. Yes. Yes. That innocent sweet little gaze. The one that turns old respectable men into lecherous lolita-slutting vipers. I don’t want you here. It invades my personal thoughtscape. Yes I use words like thoughtscape. I can also use phrases like onomatopoeic syncopation but I wont. Not now anyway. I don’t like them yet. Everybody says I should. They all give me fucking advice. Why don’t they realize that I don’t need their fucking advice? I am all of a score of years… when I need their advice I will ask for it. If it is too late by then balls to you. Fat lot I would care. Because, I am me. Built by me. Grown up by me. Spoilt by me. Hated by me. Who needs you lot in any case? Where were you people when I needed you? Then toh you people turned tail. And bobtailed like an about to be roasted rabbit. Dinna ye worry laddie.. I will get to ye. And rip apart that stupid rabbit from limb to limb. Tear the limbs out while its life twitches away. Just to fulfill my need. To…. I cannot give life. But I can take it … coerce it away from the hands of the giver… as if I was masturbating his cosmic penis into the womb of the blackhole of cosmic hypocrisy.

Just fuckin go away na...

...

2007-01-26T23:56:00.000+05:30

am hopelessly floundering with german...
this century is going to be the century of Apple and Google... unlike the last one where windows and intel ruled...
I really must update my blog more often...
Must improve content and quality too...

I rest my case...

2007-01-13T08:41:00.000+05:30

http://greatbong.net/2005/09/09/mithunism-the-religion/

I rest my case.......

New Year

2007-01-03T22:07:00.000+05:30

Whats the point of New Year Resolutions which you dont want to keep?

Ich bin eine dummkopf...

2006-12-12T15:40:00.000+05:30

Ich bin ein dummkopf... i have never gargled with salt water.. just plain warm water...
In a fit of over enthusiasm in driving away a sore throat i added 3 heaped tablespoons of salt to warm water .. and as a result ended up with chemical burns at the back of my throat.. i cannot speak.. cannot eat or drink without an excruciating drying pain.. talking is very painfull as is swallowing... it feels like someone has rubbed the inside of my throat with sandpaper... what i gathered from aquilus is that the extremely high concentration of salt resulted in the dehydration of my epithelial layer due to osmosis... thus leaving my throat open to immediate further infection from the various creepy crawlies which usually exist in the oral cavity and cause no harm. On top of that i have a splitting headache due to sinusitis and shortness of breath which makes me feel very claustrophobic. I am now at home watching tv and rehydrating my throat with honey and have put up with two claustrophobia panic attacks... someone come over or i will go crazy sitting at home.. I am a very active person and staying at home with nothing to do drives me crazy....

URGENT

2006-12-10T17:39:00.000+05:30

If any one has these film or can get me these films let me know please ASAP...
I can't afford to pay much... I can't pay more than for the media.... and an icecream...

Jiri Trnka - The Hand (and any others by him)
Bert Haanstra - Glas
Dziga Vertov - Man With a movie camera
To be or not to be - Ernst Lubitsch
Der Golem - Dunno who made it...
The cabinet of Dr. Caligari.. dunno who made it...
Blues Brothers
Blues Brothers 2000
Super Mario Brothers

I seem to be getting into a habit of ranting...

2006-12-09T21:57:00.000+05:30

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH
I need to kill someone... anyone.. and dash thier heads against a wall and watch thier brains ooze out..the floor spatter with blood and pool in slowly darkening pools of crimson.... sometimes the world just gets too much for you to handle... yet you have to... there is so much i would like to spit venom at but I can't... for through a great deal of trial and error i have realised that posting personal issues on a public forum is well .. not entirely appropriate...

to break free of the rusty chains and iron manacle..
of the binds that restrain and freedom shackle..
to fly high .. for you need to..
for you need to dream.. for only you can...
create what you need to survive...
and when others do try to poison your well
with powders that bubble and surely kill
all you need to do is run untill
freedom is well within grasp even when
the manacles at your ankle bite still

I can't take thier fucking hypocrisy any more..
I will break through even if I have to destroy my way through...
For I will not let anyone take my freedom away..
I WILL fly free.. I will rejoice... no matter who has to die in my path..
No one can take my freedom away...

One huge fucking rant...

2006-12-06T19:28:00.000+05:30

Its been a fucking awfull waste of a semester. Nothing hapenned. This was one bad semester. Everything seems to be closing in on me. Academic life is going down the drain. Trying other avenues does not seem to be of much use. Lets just enumerate the ways this semester sucked.

I spent all my time doing everything other than studying. And all the other things I did just blew up in my face. Net result... I missed out on one of the things I wanted the most. An invite to Old English. And to think I actually enjoyed it. I love learning languages. Should I continue further? I will probably end up with a supple and end up taking Old English in any case.. so that I am equipped for supple when it comes. Except there is a difference. I am doing the course in disgrace for all the wrong reasons. I know it might seem cool to not bother about what kind of impression you make on your teachers.. but somehow I do... and unlike some of our professors whose opinions can be influenced by flattery neither do I want to nor would the teacher concerned be influenced. And if sucking up worked .. I would seriously lose all my respect for them. Respect is something earned, not kissassed your way to.. most people might think that Old English is Old Hat but I happen to have a soft spot for Anglo Saxon stuff... especially trying to trace history through it.

This happens everytime.. everytime i actually like a profesor and start to get into what he is teaching... something comes along and spoils it all.. in school it was avijit sircar and computers... i revered him like a god.. he thought i was a god for nothing jackass... the same thing happens here too.. just a painfull repetition over and over again..... a repeated nausea... sartre is really overpowering at times....

Oh Gott..Renaissance.. I wish I had a renaissance in my life.. it just seems dull grey... perhaps the only thing that kept me going is a certain someone in my life. Life seems hopeless and seems to stretch for too long. I should have never read sartre. It somehow feeds on your soul and makes you feel the tedium even more. Like the endless repetition of a tedious bowel movement.(copyright guppetus). It just keeps going on and on and on. After a while the pain just dulls away.. it fails to hurt you anymore. Its just there. Just existing. No one knows what for. I don't think i did too many classes. And to think I missed "a silver haired god"s( as bomba puts it) lectures on Utopia. And he talked of calvin and hobbes. Utopia. The sole saving grace of the entire renaissance course and i get to do only class because i have to prepare the tracks for that stupid play. And no one else is tech savvy enough to use a wave editor.

All because of ghosts. I thought i would be a rebel. Do my own thing. But then again people walked out. Thus neither had I a play nor did I attend the classes. Waste of time and money.Oh what a drip. Drama in Practise. It sucks big time. To think I actually thought I would learn something from it. I didn't. To make a break from the torture i wanted to do a play of my own. My way. Ghosts. No actually i learnt something.. how not to direct a play. Also.. if it's your first time out on stage , do not ever sign up for the departmental play. Unless ofcourse you have oodles of selfesteem bubbling over in excess. Being the least experienced on the crew does not make it easier to bear. I am the only one who lands up with a 50% on my stage performance .. why? because i dropped a cue. It doesn't even matter that there were tons of faux pas around me. I get victimized. Why? because no one covered up for me. Every one slips up. Other people cover for them. Just when it comes to me every one runs out of team spirit. And then after slaving for a semester under a puppetmaster all you get are rebukes.. it hurts... I know that I am not that brilliant an actor to get any accolades.. but still.. no one else gets told off .. I am made the scape goat... and publicly dressed down.... I did my best ... with zero experience and it being my first time on stage... atleast not the public dressing down..?? All semester I was his fucking scapegoat.. the butt of all jokes ... the cast party filled with table manners jibes... being humiliated and insulted in public outside rehearsal times.. I don't know.. maybe it was wrong of me to expect anything.. but whatever... the play just leaves me feeling bad... very bad... I think i was better of without any stage experience... maybe scared of public speaking... yet this has scarred me off theatre for life... and traumatic to boot... Yet I wonder what all of this is for? If you ask me the truth the cast party did not make up for the agony... its just not worth it...

Then there was the entire shomyo affair i don't even want to go into. Dealing with that is too much.

I am now stuck with a suppli in Old English for sure. I have no Idea what is going to happen with renaissance. None of my internals are any good. I have to put up with the idea of a suppli for a whole year... parents will bitch moan and nag for ages .. I want to get out of a house i don't feel welcome in any more. I want a change.

I am also trapped into amenuencing for a blind chappie during one of my tests.. don't know how i will get out of that.... or even deal with it.

Also i am debating on resuming work. There is a lot to study. And a suppli to boot. But I desperately need a new computer. Dennis is seven years old and is stuck together with spit. It falls apart at the seams every day. My parents are not going to get me another computer any time soon in the next decade. But then again to work from home i need a computer. and for the computer i need cash. No money no honey.

i have been suffering from a huge writers block for a long time...
i cant seem to write anything...
it feels horrible to not be able to create or express.... like someone's severed off my tongue.

AAAAAAAAAARRGHH
there is stuff i can't even say on a public forum.....
everything just seems to close around me.. and i am a claustrophobic....
the daily tediousness , and the general bleakness of life seems just too overpowering at times..
I just want this to end... it is just too overpowering... i can't take it anymore... I just can't....

Grendel's Mother in my dreams...

2006-12-01T17:24:00.000+05:30

Exam time... I realise that I do not know anything... the usual story... I am positively freaked.. I am nowhere near to maintaining the 60% average... this semester has been a disaster... Old English has been disastrous and Renaissance hasn't gone well in the least... funny isn't it that whenever there is something I really like, something goes wrong with it... Old English for example... I enjoyed Beowulf when I was much younger... now when it comes to the crunch... I am doing disastroulsy at OE. 3 days left to go.... into the valley of death rode the brave 50... while cannons to the left of them and cannons to the right of them volleyed and thundered... grendel's mother haunts my dreams... i thought i would take up OE later but that seems like a distant dream... even though i really want to....

Of Poking Possums and petulancy

2006-11-19T08:57:00.000+05:30

Has anyone ever playfully poked a pink petulent pondering possum?

The answer to life the universe and everything.... and not 42...

2006-11-18T16:12:00.000+05:30

Life is what arouses your fears, shreds your beliefs, rapes your hopes, and sodomizes your existence and orgasms you to death....

The universe is what cradles you while you masturbate with its fingers of a meaningless existance... in hopes of an orgasm which never arrives ... like godot...

Well everything.... that is just a kind of meaningless nothing... we just like to delude ourselves that it should be something when it is not...

The Glum Puss Glums...

2006-11-16T20:45:00.000+05:30

It was the Dreamer…
Ever since I was a little child I wanted to.
They didn’t let me.
They told me that I couldn’t.
I wanted to believe I could
I really wanted to.
I wished that I could.
I looked up to the others who could.
Then when I got a chance I blew it
They didn’t want to trust me at first
I managed to convince them even when they didn’t want to trust me…
It felt like asking for more… Little Oliver didn’t really deserve it…
They still didn’t trust me… They had lots of misgivings…
They yelled at me for a long time when I didn’t get it…
They would have stuck Pins and needles in me if possible…
In fact they did...
They put me through hell and back…
Yet it was my first time... I persevered on...
I never knew what I was doing right… all I knew what I was doing wrong…
I gave it my one and all…
And then came the Qiyamah
And then I blew it up and let them down
And the Dreamers technicolour dreams were no more….
He has lost the spirit to dream again...

Social Networking Is Passé.. the gazzag rant...

2006-11-13T20:48:00.000+05:30

Orkut - Myspace - Gazzag - Friendster - Zorpia - Hi5 - Zanga - Namesdatabase - LinkedIn
All of these are guilty of a crime.. flooding my inbox...
Yes ladies and gentlemen... todays youth has rapidly been degenerating in intellectual capacity... if you take a cross section of the blogosphere from timelines spanning a year ago to the present you will find that the quality of the average blogpost has deteriorated significantly.... orkut has dumbed down the standard of the internet using community… writing a blog post takes up far more brain cells.. which people are reluctant to use.. also reading a blog and analysing it to comment on it requires a certain amount of intellectual effort which the joo er lyaidh khaowa public are reluctant to do… i personally use orkut as a birthday reminder service.. i am not a regular scrapper .. i find it too much effort… i would rather use an instant messenger if i had something urgent to say.. otherwise an email suffices… plus orkut/myspace (as exemplified by luann) encourage a most peculiar sort of sycophancy amongst the user base that unless you have x no of friends connected to you, your social life is not of much consequence… if you dont have y number of scraps you are really unpopular… if i start to measure my self worth by the number of scraps in my scrap book i must say that compared to most of my my friends i must be spending a hell lot more time in therapy and counselling than actually breathing… one such intellect degrader is more than enough without another flooding out your inbox.. in the era of gmail, inbox space might not be a concern but still…. i am already subject to a lot of spam from orkut… i refuse to subject muyself to more from this gazzag mazzag business….

A Classic Class Conundrum

2006-11-05T23:30:00.000+05:30

I am in a conundrum...

You and I.... In this beautiful world

2006-10-13T00:07:00.000+05:30

Its been six months.. the best six months of my life... my life has felt like a montage of the happiest moments of my life for the last few days... you came into my life and turned it all around and gave it new meaning.. you made me accept myself for who I am, when I all but hated my self... you showed me that you cared even if no one else did .. you have been more than just .... best friend.. girlfriend.. even little sister and at times even mom.... you have been you.. an integral part of my life.. this is just my humble tribute to you....

yours ever bungling ...
Royal Bungle Jungle Tigger...